Lonely Haven

How can sad read so beautiful :? ..it must be my eyes :/


If I hugged you and lingered, now,
..it would be just lust :/
For I don't know you any more,
It's like you were never inside my door.
You're just an alien now, just an alien,
If you had a place it's now just empty space.

You got replaced,
Why did you pace,
You left our place,
..who am I now that I'm not your mate:/

I hated that you were late,
All our memories now just dates
Broken, covered in tatters,
I was shattered, no tint to stop my pieces from being scattered,

The stars, the moon, I was separated from
But now I got you, no people
The sun for the day, rain on the way
Alone in our beautiful lonely haven.

Thrust through the galaxies
Constellations all within my grasp,
The universe in my hands
beauty and not just a glance..

..how much it costs!

..sometimes as we protect ourselves from potential hurt, we end up hurting others, causing pain that is way more than we were trying to protect ourselves from. The brick walls we build rest their foundations on the toes of someone else's feet, the arrows you shot out through your castle's roof make their way through another's heart. As you blow out that fire from your grandiose mansion portraying the power in your breath, your huffs and puffs, you blow them right to my hut, burning it down from it's thatched roof, to it's mud and dung made round walls.

I'd like to assume you had no intentions of doing that, weather true or not you leave me limping, homeless and with only pieces of my broken heart, that is if by luck it were made of glass.. otherwise I'm dead. We have to protect ourselves, I know I do so too or at least I try to.. but should we ever do it at the expense of others, I'd like to believe there are always other options.

What's the worst that could happen if we were nothing but nice, well, I only try.. I've never died :/ The only thing better than seeing a genuine smile on someones face is seeing the transformation from whatever was there to it.. and it only gets better if you had anything to do with it.

"Soft hearted people are not fools. They know what people did to them but they forgive again and again because they have beautiful hearts." Whether you are soft hearted or not it costs less to forgive than it does to love:/ ..think about it.

Love as an addiction - Glimpse of the letters.

What drives you, is it the fear of the unknown, need to be alone, of Kat; the horrors of the past, of Dcruis; or the fear of the future, of Dneau. Are you driven by them all?

This is the summary of a story of a 'wierdo' who still loves love, who still believes in something that the rest of us normal people only know as fantasy. He still loves despite the fact that this world is dominated with recipients who some where in the back of their minds believe they don't deserve to be loved as much as they may love (and want )the idea of it, this fantasy (first paragraph). Recipients who predominantly may be incapable or being loved leave alone reciprocating it, but aren't we all (Humans). I'll tell it in reference to the 'Letters to the Kats, Dcruises and Dneau'.

"I still love her.." he says referring to one that I'll term as his Moon. "..but love alone seems not enough. The last time we spoke I thought too that she loved me back but the world, life, in form of her self need to be alone, her past and her fear seem greater than that love for what we had." ..he continued.

"So now a perfect love seems lost to the wind, a fantasy that I lived and not just in my dreams. I sometimes wish I had the guts to slap her back to reality out of that fantasy that makes her think we couldn't have been, because.. we were. Well I'm a wierdo, I can read something beautiful over and over and still find it beautiful." "Are we still talking about her?" I ask just to confirm.. and I get an answer from his eyes, a look that seems to undermine my ability to connect:[]

"I may love her forever but there are things I have no control over, if she loves me back, if she'll have me back, how we'll fix that trust, who she is and who with time she chooses to be.. but those are not enough reasons not to love still. I have never and may never be in control of anything or one other than me, and I don't desire to be, because if I am then what will there be to see.. and I loove to see. So I pray to God, He'll reach where I can't reach, He sees everywhere including where no one else can see, and if He sees fit he will fix it however He please.. and I take comfort for you can't rebel against God for too long, it's like rebelling against love, you'll be killing your soul.. so I pray to God to get through to my love, if she too loves then I have two in one ..but I'd skip praying if I knew she would still fight that, because I'd rather not have her than live with seeing her without a soul. Even from this much distance, my myopia is un existant when it comes to seeing her."

Too deep, I think. I should have comprehended love after that but I didn't just understand his version of it :[] ..I got scared, it seems too deep, over exposing.. like you could die of it.. while at the same time the most beautiful thing you'd want to be in. Secured, cherished, full.. is what it seems you always are in it :!

Dingly bells.

Night at the museum three I think, the one with Arthur. Dingly bells is the name he uses to refer to the star of the show, the night guard. He was named that after the hat the castles fool always has on, it has Dingly bells, he's the castle fool.. In this instance that's awesome, at least in Arthurs perspective, the mythic creature made out of wax, the knight. Dingly bells is just super funny even when he's not, Arthur can't help laugh.

They are just that, Dingly bells.. I don't know who I am, just that even when they are meant to annoy me they make me laugh. If I was the strong majestic knight I would have thrown them of like he did the skeleton extinct magical creature but, I still couldn't help laugh and let them have their way in restraining me. It was funny, really.. them Dingly bells.

I tried to tell them I was already decided to leave with him, he was waiting for me.. I even showed them but they still couldn't let me leave. I would have started to give them a speech of how only I could change my mind and decide to go with them but I wouldn't, but would they listen.. they wouldn't let me go and before I decided to show them I knew of my free will, that even with a gun to me I was aware it was still my choice and I had already picked, before I remembered they were still holding me I started laughing.

I can almost swear I still believed in my free will, that I still believed I could leave but they had me. Once I started laughing I realized I couldn't breathe, he must have seen it, must have been why he took a leave.. those freaking clowns, those Dingly bells, those annoying touts, why are they so funny.

You could end up going somewhere you never intended, find yourself in Mombasa while you were going to :/ Kijabe.. why do I laugh, it's not funny landing in Mombasa with a jacket, and blankets. ':| Hate that I love them :/ hate is too strong a word, they're funny. I still don't like how weak they make me!