Sunday, 17 June 2018
Sunday, 21 May 2017
What's the difference between a lover and very good friends/best friends if they happen to be of different sexes ..well, apart from the sex? I remember once asking the same question and that's when I actually quite. Write me an answer.. the longest you can if you will, please.
It feels so stupid wanting to share something with someone but you can't because.. you don't even know what! I still hate that you shut me out, I only stayed there because I wouldn't fight you. It doesn't mean I ever stopped loving you, or ever will.. maybe I'll love someone else more but in my books you are still your level of awesome, you are my moon. Maybe I'll travel to another universe and find someone else, just so you know: I don't want to [No maybes.. unfortunately I'm not in control of that now.].
We don't always get what we want, again I know that too well.. but I still fight, and hope I will always fight for what I want because if I don't what's the point. If I don't then I should accept everything thrown my way with a smile because.. if I don't want anything I don't think I should ever complain.
I want my friend back, I want to be able to share any thing and everything I find suit with them [..and in every way!]. I am aware too that I'm not in control of that but I haven't fought for that yet so here's my shot. It's stupid to know what someone wants and to want to share but you can't, it doesn't make sense to be friends and you're not..
Well, it's probably my emotional intensity that has me having friends as lovers and lovers as gods that's making it like this but I still choose to embrace it. Again I want my friend back.. and I'll make an exception like I always do for people I cherish. This is just a notice so there's no room for assumption [My previous stand still stands ..but I'm never going to make a move, never going to ask to be anything more than a close friend/best friend will be my limit, if I ever get there! I'm not even ever going to propose regardless of how close we get unless you explicitly tell me, change things, and with words because actions say a lot but can so many times be misunderstood.. that just means the 'more than best friends' ball is in your court.]
So I'm gonna treat you like every other girl that gets close to me, that is if you get close to me.. I'm gonna tell you of the love escapades I go through, I'll tell you of the pretty girls who take shots of me when I'm all sharey, and the ones I take shots of, if I start taking shots.. I'd like to have you as a friend if I can't have you as anything else. I'd like you as my Kat, this should however be clear enough: you are still my Dcruise but because you pulled back and consciously put up all those barriers I will never bring up Dneau, you will have to if you want to.
Well, there's a little bit of a disclaimer here: treating you like every other girl that gets close to me with the exception of putting up barriers so I don't hurt them, so they don't fall in love with me [because we're already past that :/] could work against you.. it may have been how I lost the original Kat :/ ..so shut me up if you don't want to hear, please:! And I will listen to yours too, all of them.. if we get tight enough for me to be your 'Made of Honor' I will be, and you will be pretty lucky because this here is a contract saying I won't ever drive anything romantic towards you plus I have always wanted nothing but the best for you, if you're happy I'm happy!
Friendships are not fixed in my view, they are just as magical as romantic love stories in my experience.. I don't think you see a really admirable person and say I will have that as my friend and they just turn out to be, and exactly as you imagined them. Sometimes you want someone to be your friend but they turn out to be the biggest jerk you know, other times those who look like thugs turn out to be the most reliable and ultimately your best friends.. it's kind of hard to see right through to the heart so we need magic :/
Lucky for us we were friends, how I know what would excite you, why I'm fighting for this.. because I know what this is. So I'm done filtering unless you want me to, I'll not hesitate to share something funny, I will not think twice of handing over this disc I know you'd enjoy watching ..but I'll go with your flow! I will follow your pace.
Thursday, 20 April 2017
Of late I've been saying what's up when what I really want to ask is 'What's your deal?'. It leads to the same old answers, shallow end dances as horribly as I'm craving the deep end. But I can't ask what's your deal, can I? It's yours.
I have been honest, truthfull, giving, never leading ..until I got there :/ As a matter of fact I consciously kept you a safe distance initially as I got to know you, before I was sure I could take more. Before I was ready to give more.
It was never out of any ill will or malice, I was only protecting you from yourself, from me. The more people know me the more they fall for me. Ego. Actually I believe the more we know people the more we fall for them, if we never actualise on anything it's only because of the barriers we place (..they're not my type, I'm looking for athletic, too short, too tall, he needs to be Irish, and should sing :/ ) consciously or unconsciously.
So I put barriers for her but I forgot to put them for me. Because I thought I knew. Apart from how amazing she was, I couldn't deal her. Because. She said she drunk alot, and that for me then meant I could never fully trust her, the drunk her at least. That could be, actually would be justification for misbehaviour, and I'm too nice, too forgiving so it definitely would be signing into 'siege'.
She would definitely not get past awesome story person, she had a thing for cats too and I was trying to stay away from cat lovers.. because cats are too canaiving (story for another day), very intelligent and witty which is totally my type but too selfish they loose the deal.
...I forgot to protect myself from you. Tables turned and I fell for you. So now I'm chasing you, how did that even happen because the last thing I remember you were coming my direction and I was taking back steps trying and working so hard to moderate this thing we have, had. When did you start running, away, and how am I chasing, why am I chasing. I was holding back because I wasn't ready and I was coming by pretty well, I would have been ready by now but then.. I shouldn't be chasing in all counts, I am less ready now than I was when I was taking steady back steps.
Saturday, 11 March 2017
As precious as you are and as much of a man as I believe myself to be I still, and never think I'd ever enjoy the chase. I'm pretty convinced I'm alien too, justifies the whole thing :/
Only those after the kill enjoy the it, top of my head :/ but I, want to pet, to domesticate.. I'd say tame but that so much implies change you and train you into something of my own making :/
So I won't chase, I want you to want me as much as I want you, or close enough to it. The best I'd do is leave some trail of crumbs and things I like that lead to me and hope the right you will follow and bite, then I'd leave my door open long after the snacks are gone to ensure you're in not just for my type of Marylands.
If you want to leave you can always leave.. but only to a certain point. After I know for sure you like my type of snacks, and the giver to whatever extent, after you stay for long enough I'd want to adopt you and own you ..never to a point where you loose yourself of course but does any of us have control of that :/ After a while I'd want to have you, I'd fight to keep you and I'd hope you'd do the same. I would expect a certain level of commitment from both of us.
But I'm still claustrophobic, as badly as I may want to stay in, have you not leave.. my door will always be open from the inside. And it doesn't even have locks on the outside because I'd never want to be locked in. But don't worry about me, don't let that have you staying ati to protect me.. I'm intelligent enough, my hinges lock in and my doors full of grease from the outside. No one can ever come in from out if I don't let them but from inside only a lean will let you out ;)
Tuesday, 25 October 2016
I never consciously dare to change anyone, because what happens when they become aware of it. Even if it is clearly for their own benefit, they could refute it.
Not that I haven't wanted to. To change that one glitch in her personality and make her perfect for me, it's just one. To make her love me. To make her stop smoking, start drinking. To make her notice me.
If God himself gave us free will who are we to dare take it, away. And can we really? From anyone with a mind, could we do anything more than influence them? Could we tell them to do something and expect them to follow it through to the letter no questions asked and if they did could we trust they were humans, and not robots in skin.
Could we make anyone believe? Tell them to and expect them to, wouldn't we rather let them see. Isn't it more effective, after all it's the human saying that says seeing is believing. We all have basis for not believing mere words, because we have been deceived enough times..
Change can only really come from within, at least the long lasting type. Let me see what you're saying and let me see how it can change me from how it has changed you. Inspire me, build my believe.
Show me, rather than tell me.
Friday, 11 December 2015
If I hugged you and lingered, now,
..it would be just lust :/
For I don't know you any more,
It's like you were never inside my door.
You're just an alien now, just an alien,
If you had a place it's now just empty space.
You got replaced,
Why did you pace,
You left our place,
..who am I now that I'm not your mate:/
I hated that you were late,
All our memories now just dates
Broken, covered in tatters,
I was shattered, no tint to stop my pieces from being scattered,
The stars, the moon, I was separated from
But now I got you, no people
The sun for the day, rain on the way
Alone in our beautiful lonely haven.
Thrust through the galaxies
Constellations all within my grasp,
The universe in my hands
beauty and not just a glance..
Monday, 13 July 2015
I'd like to assume you had no intentions of doing that, weather true or not you leave me limping, homeless and with only pieces of my broken heart, that is if by luck it were made of glass.. otherwise I'm dead. We have to protect ourselves, I know I do so too or at least I try to.. but should we ever do it at the expense of others, I'd like to believe there are always other options.
What's the worst that could happen if we were nothing but nice, well, I only try.. I've never died :/ The only thing better than seeing a genuine smile on someones face is seeing the transformation from whatever was there to it.. and it only gets better if you had anything to do with it.
"Soft hearted people are not fools. They know what people did to them but they forgive again and again because they have beautiful hearts." Whether you are soft hearted or not it costs less to forgive than it does to love:/ ..think about it.